Fighting the Right Fight

I would be telling you a lie if I say that every marriage will be void of "fiery fellowships"...arguments, disagreements, and misunderstandings. This is a normal process in the life of a growing union. The problems arise when the two fail to realize that it is within the marital institution that God created, where the development process of the individuals does not cease. Some newly-weds either thinks once they are married they are to spend the first few months training and changing their spouses. Whereas others are convinced that once married they no longer need to be developed in the things of God. And either of these two thought processes will lead to major fights.

I will share more on the seeds that spawn from these two thoughts, but for now, I want to focus on fighting the right fight when it comes to expressing the wrong emotions towards your spouse. Yes, we will at times disagree, but things are so much better when the two can agree to disagree as they continue to move forward. However, when two disagree and then exhaust more energy trying to get the other to hear/agree with their perspective you've lost the primary battle with the one who is pleased that the two of you are now fighting the wrong fight.

Paul writes to the church at Ephesus that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” In other words, these moments of frustration, anger, and emotional distress are not about returning an all-out offensive assault on your spouse. And no, I am not saying that you are to refer to your spouse as a demon (that’s another “Something to Ponder” – because if they are saved, it’s not an issue). What I want you to understand is that the devil seeks to destroy marriage by causing to the two to turn on each other until the marriage eventually implodes.

Once the marriage turns inward instead of fighting outward, every little thing will blow up into major problems. Fighting the right fight starts within. Getting over “self”. Being Christ-centered as opposed to self-centered, and then the fight will be easier than before. When it’s no longer about self-preservation or self-promotion (fear & pride), and now it’s about protecting what God has established in your life and the gift that He has given to you to share the rest of your life with, you will learn how to fight… You won’t learn how to win the argument, but you will learn that if you call on Jesus together, He will fight your battles. You and your spouse will spend more time shouting in the devils face than you will in each others face!

In the book "Sacred Marriage", by Gary Thomas, he talks about how marriage is not only about finding happiness, but its also about becoming holy. God uses the marital institution to develop in those who enter holy matrimony the ability to see things in life the way God sees them. The process is not easy, but it makes for a better marriage when the two realize that God is still working them. Check our the Recommended Reads to pick up this book. Its a good book to have in your spiritual library.